4:23 p.m. - May 01, 2002
    prev . next

    Lately I've been feeling bitter. Yes. These grapes are indeed sour. I need to get over it.

    And as usual, I'm doubting myself. I don't know if I have a chance with Henry. How awful is that? I mean. We'll make lovely friends, but romantically. He's in love with a girl who's got a boyfriend (yes, story of my life), and knowing my luck, he's probably extremely picky. Although. He is rather attentive. I don't know. It's just that when I go to his locker and all of his friends, well, girls he knows, walk up to go to their lockers, or to wait for him to tell him something or go to class, I feel like they're all looking at me funny. And thinking "wow, Henry's got himself a little groupie."

    I was talking to Ian about him today. Ian is a dear. He said he'd "spit some game" at him for me. Haha. Great.

    I can gaurentee that exactly what I had counted on not happening will happen. As in I think he'll be stoked to find out a girl likes him, a girl who he apparently thinks is awesome... but he'll just be like, "oh, thats nice." and continue lusting over this taken girl. I just don't know. I dont know how to... go about this. Its odd, really. You'd think after going, literally, from boy-to-boy, without missing a beat [although Jeremy still owns my heart, basically], I'd know how to go about persuing Henry, just a boy from school. But I have no idea how to do it.

    seems its been so long since we kissed through the darkness until it was gone, up with it went our pain and fear that we'd already lost each other, both knew that the end was near

    Thinking about Jeremy is making me fucking sick to my stomach. His stupid smell, and his touch, and how he felt, and how his stupid lips felt and how sounded when he breathed when he kissed me. Fuck. If I smoked, I'd be smoking right now. If I drank, I'd be drinking myself into oblivion too. I keep singing these Alkaline Trio songs and relating to them all too well. Bitter anthems. I could relate even better if I, like Matt Skeebers, was drinking myself into oblivion. I wish.

    Wow, it's May already. April is gone. April was... a month, thats for sure. This is killing me.

    (ive got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling)